My feelings ?

{ I know how it feels to put the mascara on }

Hello there , ladies and gentlemen let me tell you some short story , may i ?  A girl who's going to be 16 years old next year would be not happy . why ? because she is upset with something she dont even want it to happen . Do you think she will survive ? Well , let's see about it soon shall we ? 

Okay im done with that HAHA , Before i judge other people let me take a mirror and look at myself if i'm perfect more than you //don't take it seriously by what i mean this one . I'm a little bit selfish or should i say more but im doing it in a wrong way for sure but i try to fix it soon enough . I don't even like to make trouble and have a fight cuz i'm sick of it . People easily take for granted towards me because i always say "Yes" but in a way people don't care about me . They rely on me . My daughter named hyorin (( my friend actually not my real daughter )) have advice me about how to do that and all . I'm happy with it that someone is trying to understand me for now . 

I was thinking that my feelings can change if i really want it to be like how i want . I don't mind people say bad things towards me cuz i'm going to be mean at them sometimes maybe always , perhaps i should push them away far from me before i explode ? People said that if you are finding someone to love you means you can't love yourself but in a way that person will love you truly or just for fun ? Make fun of you ? My life is more way different but not really , there is more people outside there just like me .  Sometimes im being such a selfish person cuz i don't want to loose any friends that i have now but i dont even realize that im actually hurting them . I have to change myself for now .

I do love someone but i am scared of him. People think that he is kinda psychotic person , aha yea , 100% yes . To be honest i don't feel safe when i'm with him . I do feel that painful feelings when i look at him or whatever it is . That pain wont get rid of me untill i forget it . I don't easily trust people like that . If you know me deeply and my background life then you will understand how the heck i survive from it . I do fight for myself sometimes but yea i cant rely on other people so much like i did to my grandma . I feel bad for her for what ive done this whole time by giving her alot of my problem to solve it , but she is the only one i love in my family member . she's the one who support me throughly even my parents doesnt love me like how they did to my sister . i dont mind but i also have my own limits . If someone really do want to be friend with me , just say hi to me . i wont ignore but in return please do friend with me in sincerely way . I really appreaciate it so much that you cant even imagine . 

I've to go sleep now . I'm tired so yea . See ya all next time :')