| I decided to make
ALL feelings disappear |
Welcome to the
suicide blog. OHH OHH. Just kidding. Anyway it’s been awhile I didn’t update my
blog for nearly 3 weeks? Or 1 month? Hey, do you still remember the previous
topic in my blog like kill those humans and all? It’s about like 1 or 2 years
ago. I’m really ashamed of myself when I read it. It was really terrible. I
can’t even imagine how do I update this blog about my feelings like why I
didn’t realized that I’m doing such a stupid things that need to be shared with
everyone . It’s really embarrassing. I swear to god I really regret for what
I’ve done to this happy cherish blog of mine. Problems like in a relationship ,
family , friendship , school news and more of it that I’ve written in this blog
has been decreased about 4 months ago. Yet, my personality changed. I’m being a
hot tempered or short one but most of the time I like to be alone. So, my
experience being a bad or suicidal people for 3 years.
It is not that long
but all I can say is if you are too stressful and always depressed towards something,
you might lead to suicidal world or kill yourself? Right? I know it is hard to
get from that world. I do know you need someone to listen towards your problem,
try to love yourself more, trying to get out from those miserable feelings,
trying not to be a hopeless or lifeless person and etc. There’s a lot of ways
you can go into suicidal world 100%. For my advice, please think wisely before
you get into this kind of things. Your life and soul might drop down quickly to
it. Even it doesn’t lead to the suicidal world. It will turn into a mental
diseases. You can’t control your emotional and mind. You will feel like you
want to get rid from this awful body or this world you are living in. It
doesn’t function well towards you. Then what happen? This is my favourite part
haha.
“Your life is in a
danger situation then what you expected” – by me (Yukki/Mira)
What do I mean by
those words? Means that you’ll try to torture yourself by killing it slowly and
quietly without getting notice by those people who you know. Especially your
own family and siblings. You’re trying to get into another world that will only
exist for you. You’re in a danger situation. You’re risking your own life. You
want the happiness, your desire, your life, your precious memorise. But, where
it did go? I’m asking you. WHERE IT DID GO? You don’t know right? For my answer
is go kill yourself now. Then you can find the peaceful mind and feelings that
will come out before your last breath.
Then
you will see those humans who ignored and hate you came up and cries over you.
Isn’t it beautiful? No, it’s the worst and stupid decision you have ever made
in your life. Have you think about your
life goals? Don’t you ever want to be happy but in another way by work hard for
it? Do you want to know what the meaning life to you is? To those people out
there who is suffering with those feelings and having hard time on it. Remember
this, god will always bless and love you from the day you were born until now.
God knows you’re going through those painful days. So, be patient and get hold
on with yourself. You will make it. You will be the successful person in this
world if you get through all of it. I always remind myself about it but
sometimes my feelings can take over my mind and my body. Everyone have gone
through this but our stage/level is different. Each of us knows what is the
best for us. Don’t give up just for those stupid feelings. Don’t let your
feelings take over your body. That is what I learned from a novel I’m reading
for now.
Back to the story of
my old self in that world, yea I’ve to deal with a lot of problems. I didn’t
solved it. I just keep it to myself. It’s feels like it’s useless to tell my
problem towards everyone. They won’t listen to it but they will judge. I cannot
accept the fact about it. Every night I would try to get into a deep sleep so I
won’t wake up for the next day. I wanted to be disappeared. I live in a wrong
world. People couldn’t accept who am I. Bashing and talks bad things about me.
It was awful one.
To be honest from my
heart, I did try to hang myself near with my bedroom windows once. I did try to
take a knife and cut my blood circulation and watches it gush out from my body
and soaked my body with blood of mine while I’m going to die but I didn’t do
it. I did cut my waist but not that deep one. The scars has gone by now cuz its
3 years ago. I was so stressed out and didn’t manage to be happy like the few
years back. I try to get hold on myself with the problems. Slowly, I try to
love myself and accept it. I tried to be stronger than before. I was walking on
a right path happily. I know what I’m doing. I found some precious friends that
I can reach out and tell them my problems. And here am I trying to get better
than before. Even my family looks like doesn’t care about me. I know what is
the best for myself and my future. Sometimes I try to overcome my feelings but
it didn’t work. I’m trying to find the solution to release my anger. Thanks to
Suff who introduce me towards the councler teacher. Today, I just learn that
sleeping while you having a problem that need to be solve is not good. It is
really not good for our health. Cuz the next morning, you will feel the sadness
or anger still inside you and can’t get out from it. You lost your focus on
doing things. You have a lot of things need to be think about. And there you
are. You are stressed out ha-ha.
I’ll try my best to overcome those things soon
as possible. I wanted to be happy and always be a strong person. So why don’t
you do like how I did slowly. I’m sure you will be a better person than what
people expected it to be. We can’t predict the future but we can fix it by now.
Change yourself. Love yourself. Reach your goals/dreams. Think positively. Go
with the flow. :’)
Oh gosh, my story is
soo long but yea. I’m happy to share this experience of mine to you guys. Before I go, I want to say thank you to those
people who supports me through all out. I appreciate it so much than what you
think. Especially my school friends! Oh I will update about my second time school
trip. See you guys later!
“Remember that every
moment of your life is precious like those pretty shinning diamonds” – Yukki/mira
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